Wedding Ceremonies: Frequently Asked Questions




	Northern Virginia Ethical Society Virginia Weddings Maryland Weddings Washington DC Weddings (return to home) Frequently Asked Questions: How do you work to create a ceremony? What services do you provide? How often do you meet with a couple? Can we have a short and very simple ceremony? Can we choose our own readings? Can friends or family members read during the ceremony? Can we have music? Can we wear period costumes? Can we break a glass? Can we include our children in the ceremony? Are you legally qualified to perform weddings? Can we have a spiritual but not religious ceremony? Can we have a non-religious ceremony? Are your weddings civil or religious ceremonies? Do I have to join your organization? What requirements do you have for doing weddings? How much notice do I need to give? What if we we change our date or time -- or find another officiant later? Where do you perform weddings? Can you perform a wedding at my home? Do you do outdoor weddings? Can you do weddings outside the DC and DC suburban area? What are your fees? Why haven't I heard back? Contact information Ethical Culture ceremonies: click here (www.aeu.org ) Northern Virginia Ethical Society: click here (www.noves.org) Other locations: see home page (back to top) How exactly do you work to create a ceremony? Each of our officiants works somewhat differently, but all meet in person with the couple to craft a ceremony that represents the couple's unique relationship and their commitments to each other. Some officiants work with a standard ceremony, and make appropriate changes to adapt the words to fit the couple. Other officiants work with a book of resources that the couple can use as choices in putting together the ceremony or as triggers for their own creativity. (back to top) Can we have a short and very simple ceremony? Can we choose our own readings? Can friends or family members read during the ceremony? Can we have music? Can we wear period costumes? Can we break a glass? Can we include our children in the ceremony? Yes! And other couples have included other creative elements. We'll work with you to customize the ceremony to reflect what you want to communicate. (back to top) What services do you provide? Typically, the officiant meets the first time with the couple to make sure that they understand each other and are a "good match." The officiant works with the couple on the details of the wedding ceremony. (how many meetings?) Premarital counseling is not required, though many couples find that thinking through the details about what they want in their ceremony deepens their understanding and commitment. The officiant performs the wedding at the location of your choice. (see below) If you want the officiant to be at a rehearsal, be sure to mention that when you schedule the date, to avoid scheduling conflicts. (back to top) How often do you meet with a couple? It depends on such factors as how much time the couple has before the wedding date, how much guidance the couple wants in making specific choices about the ceremony, how much creative customization is needed, how long the ceremony will be, and so forth. Typically, a couple will meet once with the officiant, and, if they feel at that time that this is a "good match," they can begin the process of deciding what will be in the ceremony. Then, the couple will often meet with the officiant once more -- sometimes twice -- to work on the details of the ceremony. These meetings are often one to six weeks before the ceremony, most often about a month before. (back to top) Are you legally qualified to perform weddings? The certification process followed by our national organization, the American Ethical Union (AEU) is our equivalent of ordination, and Ethical Culture Leaders are our equivalent of clergy. All officiants of this Society are Leaders and Adjunct Leaders who have been so certified by the AEU. Our officiants are legally authorized to perform weddings in Virginia, in the District of Columbia and in Maryland: In Virginia and DC, officiants are licensed by the jurisdiction. Our officiants are all licensed and registered to do legal marriage ceremonies. In Maryland, it is up to the couple to determine whether the officiant is an "ordained minister." Our officiants have been so accepted in Maryland. (back to top) Can I have a spiritual but not religious ceremony? Can I have a non-religious ceremony? Are your weddings civil or religious ceremonies? Our ceremonies are often described as "spiritual but not religious" or even "non-religious" by the families and friends who are attending these ceremonies. The words used in the ceremony are focused on the commitments that the couple are making to each other, on the uniqueness of their relationship, and on their responsibilities and future together in this world. With some narrow understandings of the word "religious" (focus on a Supreme Being, the presence of a priest or rabbi, taking place in a Protestant or Catholic church, etc.), people might perceive the ceremony to be "non-religious." Ethical Culture ceremonies, for legal purposes, are considered religious, not civil, ceremonies. Ethical Societies consider themselves religious organizations, and their legal status as religious organizations has been confirmed in several court cases. There is no required creed or statement of belief in an Ethical Society, and there is considerable diversity of beliefs, particularly about metaphysical truths. The unifying factor for members of Ethical Societies is a commitment to ethical living: respect for all persons and creation of a more humane world. For more detailed information about Ethical Culture, see www.aeu.org and for more about our Society see www.noves.org. (back to top) Do I have to join your organization? What requirements do you have for doing weddings? Couples who find our services appropriate are those who are making a mutual commitment to respect, honesty, fairness, kindness and support of each other. We don't require that couples are members, or that you attend a meeting or pre-marital counseling. We invite you to attend a Sunday meeting, if you're available, and to find out more about our Ethical Society, if only so you can make sure that our values are a good match for your values and that you'll be able to answer questions from friends or family who want to know where your officiant comes from. (back to top) How much notice do I need to give? It's usually safest to find an officiant as soon as you set the wedding date. Our calendars often fill up months in advance of a date; a year's notice is not unusual. If you're asking for a date that's close in time, we may or may not be able to find someone to perform the ceremony, but it's worth a call (or better yet, an email) just in case we're available. You may need to identify the officiant when you get the license (in DC) and a few locations require the name of an officiant at the time of reservation. (back to top) What if we change our date or time -- or find another officiant? If, after our officiant schedules a date with you, or even pencils your date into her or his calendar, you decide to change your ceremony's time or date or use a different officiant, please notify the officiant -- we need to make changes to accommodate our own family and work schedules, and perhaps to accommodate a different couple. (back to top) Where do you perform weddings? Can you perform a wedding at my home? Do you do outdoor weddings? We are flexible about where we perform weddings, and have performed weddings at outdoor locations, at homes, in restaurants, in a cave, in gardens, in other rented spaces. It depends primarily on whether the location is available (for parks, for instance, you'll usually need a reservation from the proper park authority). (back to top) Can you do weddings out of the DC and DC suburban area? If travel is required to a location outside the DC and DC suburban area or far from the officiant's home, the couple pays the officiant's expenses in addition to the fee. Our officiants live in Centreville, Virginia; Vienna, Virginia; and Deale, Maryland. (back to top) What are your fees? We can't quote precise fees without knowing something about the effort involved. For most ceremonies fees are between $400 and $800. Pledging members of the Northern Virginia Ethical Society do not have to pay fees for ceremonies provided by the Society. (back to top) Why haven't I heard back after leaving a phone message or sending an email? We apologize if we've been unable to reach you. Sometimes messages are garbled and we miss a number or your name, so please speak clearly. Sometimes email goes astray. Sometimes we're unavailable to answer phone messages for a week or so, especially in the summer months or around holidays. And sometimes messages (email or phone) just fall through the cracks. Please do try again. It may help to try the phone if you sent an email, or to send an email if you initially left a phone message. (back to top) Contact information More about: Ethical Culture ceremonies: click here (www.aeu.org ) Northern Virginia Ethical Society: click here (www.noves.org) Other locations: see home page

	This site last updated May, 2007.